


let's go on an adventure

by shortlock



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, i wrote this just so i could procrastinate studying for my final exams, lyrics from shawn mendes's "wonder" are in this, matsuhana + aoba johsai boys shenanigans, sunflowers + ice creams + cats + beaches + playgrounds + sunrises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortlock/pseuds/shortlock
Summary: five times oikawa asked iwaizumi to go on an adventure + the one time iwaizumi asked.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 87





	let's go on an adventure

**Author's Note:**

> "head empty, only romance trauma." -my best friend as she tried to edit this fanfiction.

_i. i wonder, wouldn’t it be nice, to live inside a world that isn’t black and white?_

The first time Oikawa asked, they were ten years old. 

Iwaizumi still remembers the moment perfectly. 

The scorching summer sun had finally given the two boys a break, and hid behind a cloud, the cool wind kissing their cheeks as they swung up and up in the playground. Oikawa wanted to reach the sky, to touch it, and even at such a young age, Iwaizumi feared that after Oikawa touched the sky, he’d want to touch the moon, and he didn’t know how the brown-haired boy would do so. 

Only a few minutes of them swinging had passed when Oikawa stuck out his legs and tried to slow himself down, a scream leaving his mouth when he let go of the chains too early and fell into the soft sand. 

“Iwa-chan,” he whined when Iwaizumi had laughed loudly at Oikawa’s graceless fall. “Don’t laugh at me!”

That only made him laugh harder, and Oikawa stood to throw himself on Iwaizumi, trying to cover his mouth with his hand. But Iwaizumi was too fast, and jumped off with far more ease than him, landing on his own two feet proudly. He sent a smug look to his best friend, who once again tackled Iwaizumi to the ground, and soon, they were both covered in sand and sticky smiles. By the time their wrestling was over, the sun had invited itself back into the sky, and they laid on their backs, trying to catch their breaths. 

“Iwa-chan, I have an idea.”

Oh no. Iwaizumi hated those words just as much as he hated art class. Or pineapples. 

“Iwa-chan, I promise it’s a good one.” Oikawa raised himself and crossed his legs, glancing at Iwaizumi with a gleam in his eyes, and for some odd reason, he couldn’t find it in himself to say anything against the outrageous claim. 

All he could do was throw him an incredulous look. “What is it?”

A smile graced the younger boy’s face. “Let’s go on an adventure.”

It was at this moment that Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, and he really, really wished he hadn’t. The sunlight threw a golden haze on Oikawa’s face, his usual dark brown eyes now the color of rich honey. He noticed the shadows of the long eyelashes, the flushed cheeks from their childish fight, the sand in his hair resembling snow rather than grain and dirt. He noted the clouds behind him and thought they looked like an angel’s halo and wings. He tried to memorize the tilt of his smile, light and carefree, yet blinding all the same. 

Iwaizumi knew so many words, hundreds of them, thousands of them - he had even won the spelling competition for god’s sake! - but in that moment, only one word flew to his mind to describe his best friend: _beautiful._

He choked. 

(What?)

He shook his head viciously before staring at his feet in shame, a weird, ill feeling in his chest. Just _what_ was he thinking? This was _Oikawa._ Maybe the heat had finally gotten to him. 

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa’s voice, soft and concerned, pulled him out of his thoughts, and he turned to look at his hands. “Can we? Go on an adventure?”

He nodded. He didn’t trust his voice, not when the only image playing in his mind was Oikawa’s golden eyes. 

“Say yes, Iwa-chan, come on!”

“Okay.” He sounded breathless all over again, as if he had run a mile and a half in ten minutes. 

When Oikawa jumped up and raced to tug Iwaizumi’s arm up, he didn’t know why he was agreeing. What were they even going to do? Did Oikawa have a plan? Or was he just coming up with crazy ideas on spot life usual? But he noticed that for once, he didn’t care to answer those questions. All he cared about was Oikawa’s smile as he pulled them towards the sidewalk, chattering about how they could catch fireflies - because he still forgot that fireflies only came out at night - or go see butterflies near the lake or eat ice cream from the shop only ten minutes away. 

It was _him_ who caused that smile. He wanted to keep it there, on Oikawa’s face.

Well. No. After a moment of pondering, he realized he didn’t want that. 

He wanted to photograph it, get it developed, and tuck it in the small box underneath his bed full of other irreplaceable objects that he could always look at whenever he felt sad. 

(Huh?)

The same ill feeling of shame returned his stomach, and he broke out into a sprint, as if the wind could carry these strange thoughts away from him. Oikawa rushed to catch up to him, complaining about how “Iwa-chan doesn’t even know where I wanna’ take him, slow down, Iwa-chan!” In the end, Oikawa had grabbed his wrist and pulled him through a forest of looming trees; the shade calmed his racing heart, so he didn’t mind. They shuffled through the bushes that grew berries, across the fallen tree, and jumped over the thin stream of water which Oikawa almost fell in. They felt like heroes, going on a brave journey to save a kingdom from a terror no man had ever faced and come out alive. 

_“I’d be the king, Iwa-chan, and you’d be my knight.”_

They laughed and pushed, tugged and chuckled, and as Iwaizumi tried to brush a fallen leaf out of his hair, Oikawa gasped, cheering, “Iwa-chan, we’re here! Look, look, look!”

So Iwaizumi did look, because when did he ever not listen to Oikawa? 

In front of him stood a field of sunflowers, all taller than him, arching for the sun’s light. The golds and yellows and browns around him made him feel slightly dizzy - or was it the heat of the sun? Or maybe Oikawa’s smile - but he grinned nonetheless. A breeze whisked behind him as Oikawa motioned towards a particular patch of plants, both trying to jump higher than a sunflower.

Iwaizumi ended up winning because, hey, he was a spiker, and a spiker has to jump, right?

In defeat, Oikawa sat down, a childish smile on his face. “Iwa-chan, did you know that at night, when sunflowers can’t find the sun, they turn to look at each other?”

Iwaizumi shook his head in response, but he understood, because he knew that feeling all too well.

“Did you like it, Iwa-chan? Did you like our very first adventure together?” Oikawa asked as they headed towards his house, the sun finally lowering itself to the horizon. 

His hands were sticky from their hike in the woods, and beads of sweat trickled down his arms. His hair still carried bits of sand, and his feet ached from all the running and jumping, his heart pounded against his chest, and he was breathless, but he ignored all of that when he said, “Yeah, I did,” because in the end, he really did like it. He liked it because Oikawa had been there with him. 

* * *

_ii. i wonder, why i’m so afraid, of saying something wrong and never said i was a saint?_

The second time Oikawa asked, they were fourteen years old. 

Iwaizumi had always been a light sleeper, so when he felt the weight of a hand on his arm, he startled awake, a sound somewhere between a gasp and a groan escaping his mouth. He heard the croak of the floorboards, and even through the darkness of his room, he could see Oikawa’s large brown eyes peering down at him. 

“Iwa-chan, wake up,” he whispered, and Iwaizumi was grateful that he at least remembered to do so. He didn’t need his parents to come check up on all the ruckus he knew Oikawa would end up causing. 

“Shittykawa, what do you want,” he grumbled, jerking his shoulder away from Oikawa’s hand. “Couldn’t you have waited until morning for whatever crap this is?” he continued, falling back onto his bed with a _thud_ and rubbing his eyes.

A few seconds passed, and when he didn’t hear Oikawa’s reply, he reluctantly opened his eyes again, only to see him fumbling with the locks on his window. 

“What are you doing?”

“Going home. Sorry, Iwa-chan, go to sleep now.” He lifted an arm to wipe something off his face. 

It was then that Iwaizumi focused on the sounds, and heard the sniffles of his best friend, the rasp in his voice, and _oh my god he’s been crying I didn’t know why didn’t I see the tear stains-_ He shot up, rapidly trying to untwist himself out of his sheets and soft blanket, his exhaustion and annoyance replaced with worry, and grabbed Oikawa’s hand. “Oikawa, wait. You’re already here. Stay.” 

The last time he’d seen the setter was two days ago, when he had to dissuade the setter in the head in order to dissuade him from hitting Kageyama. He could still remember the fear in Oikawa’s eyes, the desperate tone his voice carried, the way he had bowed to apologize to the younger boy. Kageyama was a genius, Iwaizumi knew, but what hurt most was that Oikawa knew it too. Oikawa didn’t have the raw talent Kageyama possessed - no, all he had was his own effort, and in Iwaizumi’s eyes, that was more than enough; that was _better._ But he couldn’t find the words to convey his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried. 

Oikawa had the awful habit of putting too much pressure on himself. With only a glance, he could break others apart, figuring out everything that made them human - that made them function - and piece them back together, always forgetting to piece himself back. Iwaizumi assumed that he’d be the one to have to glue him together. 

“Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

A pause, then a tug on his arm. “Let’s go on an adventure.”

He turned to look at the clock on his bedside table. _Two thirteen._ “Oikawa,” he began, but the boy interrupted with a, “Please?”

He sighed. He knew Oikawa for fourteen years and _still_ he couldn’t say no to him. “All right.”

He had to get Oikawa out of his mind, away from the demons that belittled him. He needed to escape the monsters that forced him to ignore dinner in favor of more volleyball practice, the ones that made him disregard sleep and watch old tapes of matches of teams they’d potentially verse to figure out their weaknesses. If Iwaizumi could bring some light by agreeing to whatever awfully-crafted plan he had, he would do so. Without hesitation.

The thought both terrified and comforted him. 

And so he shuffled around, prodding over fallen books and homework papers, and changed into shorts and a sweatshirt to match Oikawa. They climbed out the window, trying their best to avoid his mother’s tulips. As soon as they reached the streetlight that barely lit the road, Oikawa grasped his hand and they ran, both trying to outrun the other. The autumn air felt good against his skin, almost calming, and when Oikawa made two abrupt turns, he followed. They ended up standing in front of a small shop that was open 24/7 for emergencies, and he turned to look at Oikawa. 

His cheeks were speckled with pink from the cold, like faint stars across his face, and they stood out against the black of his clothes. He let out a false cheer of, “Iwa-chan, let’s get some ice cream!”

Iwaizumi picked up a pebble from beside him and threw it at Oikawa. “Stupid, I don’t have money. Shoulda’ told me before.”

“SIlly, Iwa-chan. I’m always prepared, unlike Iwa-chan and his brutish antics.” Oikawa slipped a hand in his pocket and pulled out a bill of 500 yen. 

He wasn’t hungry at all, but upon Oikawa’s insistence, he did end up choosing a vanilla ice cream bar to munch on as they walked towards the park near their houses. Oikawa had chosen his usual cookies and cream, and he didn’t speak until both boys had thrown away their wrappers. They settled down on a bench, their breaths escaping their mouths like puffs of smoke. Raising his head, Iwaizumi looked up at the faint stars, many hidden behind scattered clouds. Nonetheless, he searched for the brightest star. He recalled that as kids, Oikawa would pester him into going to the rooftops of their houses, from where they would stargaze for hours, the setter listing off the ones he had studied from a textbook. 

“Hey, Oikawa, look, there’s Sirius.” He pointed towards the sky, but lowered his arm when Oikawa didn’t react. He let out a soft sigh. “Why were you crying,” he finally croaked, not daring to look at the younger boy who rested his head on his shoulder.

“No reason, Iwa-chan,” he mumbled in reply. 

Iwaizumi frowned. “Oikawa, you can’t just wake me up, take me-”

 _“I know,_ Iwa-chan, I know,” Oikawa huffed. “I just needed someone.” 

“Tell me why you were crying.” 

“I’m fine now, Iwa-chan, so shut up. Forget that.” 

It took all of Iwaizumi’s control to not punch the setter. He knew that Oikawa hated crying, even if it was in front of Iwaizumi, the only person other than his mother who had seen him cry. He hated showing that he was weak, something other than perfect. 

“I can’t fix the problem if you don’t tell me what it is, asshole,” he tried, balling his free hand into a fist. 

Oikawa laughed humorlessly. “That’s the issue, Iwa-chan. _You_ can’t fix it.”

“‘Course I can.” It was a childish retort, he knew, but at least Oikawa’s grimace had turned into a small, barely-there smile. 

“You can’t, Iwa-chan.”

“I can.”

No reply. 

Iwaizumi leaned back, slumping against the bench. He tried to remember exactly when Oikawa had decided that he couldn’t be anything short of perfect. When had his carefree smiles been replaced by false ones of similar light? When had he learned that shutting people out in times of need was something he should do? When had he begun to tear himself up, ruining his health for a sport? 

Iwaizumi had once asked Oikawa why he cared so much for volleyball. 

_“It’s the only thing I’m good at, Iwa-chan,”_ was the heartbreaking response. There were countless things Oikawa was good at, but apparently none of them satisfied him. 

“I’m scared, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa began with a crack in his voice, and Iwaizumi grunted to let him know that he was listening. Slowly, tears began to roll down his cheeks, sobs escaping his mouth. In a shaky voice, he began to rant about Kageyama and Ushijima. How they both were so talented and how he’d be left behind. How Kageyama would get better than him, how he’d be replaced from the one thing he cares about most. How his serves were always off, how he needs to practice even harder, how they have never been able to beat Ushijima, and how badly he wanted to, how badly he needed to. He cried that just because he was their captain in junior high didn’t mean he’ll be good in high school. Oikawa turned to look at him, the light of the stars in the sky reflecting in his dark brown eyes. “I’m scared, Iwa-chan, I’m going to fail, and they’re going to surpass me, and I can’t let that happen. I don’t want to fail, I really don’t want to,” he whimpered helplessly, and Iwaizumi’s heart _broke_. 

He sat there, stunned, because despite the past three years of Oikawa’s breakdowns about his insecurities and volleyball, he still hasn’t managed to come up with something right to say. So he didn’t say anything, biting his lip, afraid that something wrong might come out. He simply hugged the taller boy, praying to whichever god was listening that they would protect Oikawa when he couldn’t. 

* * *

_iii. i wonder, when i cry into my hands, i’m conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man?_

The third time Oikawa asked, they were sixteen years old. 

Iwaizumi didn’t mean to see the confession. No, he was just on his way to beat the shit out of his best friend for staying in the gymnasium until sunset to practice his goddamn serves when he saw the girl. 

She was dressed casually, not in the school’s uniform, so he suspected she came out of her way to see him. Her black hair curled at her shoulders, and he could see the cream-colored envelope in her hands as she extended them towards Oikawa.

He ducked behind a stairwell, not wanting the petite girl to see him when he noticed Oikawa’s smile.

Iwaizumi’s stomach lurched forward as if he were on a roller coaster. 

He let out a slight gasp; he had never seen that smile before. The knots in his stomach tightened as he stared at the scene in front of him, Oikawa standing there with a smile far different from the ones he used to charm teachers and other classmates, different from the ones he sent his parents who rarely ever talked to him, different from the ones that Iwaizumi had ever been graced with. It was so light and unguarded, full of nothing but genuine interest, that it made him want to vomit. 

He felt as if a dumbbell had fallen on top of his heart.

 _He_ wanted to be on the receiving end of that smile. Not some girl who-

He dropped the water bottle he was holding, turned around, and ran home. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t know about the numerous confessions Oikawa got, no. He knew, of course he knew, because Oikawa told him about every single one of them, and Iwaizumi had always let the information go in from one ear and out the next, not even sparing a second to actually process the words. But this was the first time he’d seen it. And _oh god_ , he wished he hadn’t. 

Because now he could never get that disgustingly sweet smile out of his mind. 

He swallowed the rise of bile in his mouth as he slammed the door of his house and rushed up the stairs, nearly tripping on his fallen shoes. He shut the door of his darkened room and stumbled onto his bed, as if the comfort of his blanket could ward off any unwanted realizations, like it could with any monsters. 

He played with the air, trying to grasp it, fingers curling into his palms. He wanted to be the only one who saw that smile. The images hit him with a _thud_ in the head. _Holding Oikawa’s hand that’s been coarse from too many rough volleyball plays, carding his hand through his hair to see if it’s really as soft as it looks, pressing his lips to his forehead that’s been hit with countless of Iwaizumi’s missed spikes…_

(Wait.)

But that couldn’t happen. None of that could ever happen, because Oikawa- he didn’t- he didn't feel the same way. Oikawa liked _girls._ That much was painfully obvious; Iwaizumi would have to be blind and deaf to not know that. He was _normal._ Iwaizumi was the one who felt these things for a boy - for his best friend, nonetheless. Embarrassment coursed through his veins. If he ever took a step and changed things, it would ruin _everything._

Unlike Oikawa who lived off of his impulses, Iwaizumi was level-headed. He thought through things rationally. 

If he told Oikawa, he’d be rejected, surely. They’d remain friends, of course, but Iwaizumi would have to live with the guilt of knowing that he was the one who created the rift in their friendship. If he didn’t tell Oikawa, well, he saw no cons to that. He could keep their blissful relationship; nothing could go wrong by playing it safe. 

_Would everything really be ruined?_ a part of him questioned. _Isn’t your friendship stronger than anything this world could create?_

He wasn’t sure. 

It was only an hour after his abrupt realization that Oikawa came leaping through his front door, as Iwaizumi had been pouring himself some cereal for dinner. Regardless of how pathetic that sounded - and it was, he knew - it was necessary for him to have some of his comfort food after going through his personal hell. 

“Iwa-chan, can I have one too? I have _great_ news!” He exclaimed, dropping his bag on the floor and throwing himself on Iwaizumi’s couch as if he owned the place (which, Iwaizumi had to admit, he sort of did, considering he was here more than he ever was at his own house). 

He was going to, but then remembered Oikawa’s smile. “Get one yourself, Trashykawa.”

“Iwa-chan, so mean,” he replied, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head and slouching on the couch. “You’re already up and about. Be a dear and fetch me some cereal.” 

He grabbed Oikawa’s fallen chemistry textbook and _whacked_ him in the head. 

“Iwa-chan, you brute, that _hurt!_ ”

 _Not as much as you hurt me,_ he thought bitterly, but flopped down on the couch next to his supposed best friend. Oikawa tried to fix his light brown hair, then gave up, straightening his back to look at Iwaizumi. 

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“You have to _guess,_ Iwa-chan.”

“I don’t care, Assikawa.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you, but only because I’m amazing and know how much you like to keep tabs on my perfect life.” He paused, most likely for dramatic purposes, but Iwaizumi didn’t give him any satisfaction, simply pulling out his phone to scroll through unread messages. He continued, “I have a girlfriend now!”

Iwaizumi paused his scrolling. 

_Oh._

He resumed it. 

“That’s great.”

“Iwa-chan, you should be happy for me!” He pouted, jutting his lower lip out, an awful habit of his. 

“I am. That’s great,” he repeated, making sure to tone down the blatant disinterest in his voice. 

“Her name is Akari-chan, and she’s really pretty. She confessed to me while I was practicing my serves.”

He pushed down the rise of annoyance in his chest - _or was it jealousy?_ Oikawa had a girlfriend now. He really did like girls. He didn’t carry the same feelings as Iwaizumi. Really, what was he expecting? 

It’s fine. 

He got up to wash his empty bowl, Oikawa behind him as the latter continued to ramble on about the pretty girl. He jumped to sit on the counter while Iwaizumi organized the kitchen, sighing when he had to throw out a box of stale chips. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah, Shittykawa?”

“Let’s go on an adventure.”

He glanced at the clock on the wall. “We have homework, Trashykawa.”

“We can do it tomorrow! Or when we come back! Come on, Iwa-chan, I wanna’ go on an adventure.”

“No way. I want to get rid of you as fast as I can today.”

“Please?”

Oh frick. There it was. His _stupid_ pleases that always got to Iwaizumi no matter how hard he tried otherwise because he only ever said please when he _really_ wanted Iwaizumi to do something. He really did try to push the word “No” out of his mouth, he really, really did, but he had always been weak for whatever Oikawa wanted and said, “Okay” instead. 

And so they went to his bedroom to grab his cell phone and keys, making sure to leave a note for his mother in case she got home from work before them. Oikawa said he didn’t have any specific idea in mind this time, so they strolled past the park and towards the line of shops. 

It was an awful day to be taking a walk, simply because the wind was chilly, the clouds all too dark and brooding, and drizzling light rain on top of them, though neither opted to run back to grab an umbrella. 

One would think that Oikawa would _always_ be talking, but around Iwaizumi, that was never the case. A lot of their time was spent in comfortable silences, both able to think freely with the presence of a grounding figure next to them. It was one of the things he liked best about their friendship, the quiet, and how calming it was. 

He felt someone grab his sleeve, and turned to look at his side. Oikawa had stopped walking and was looking towards an alleyway. Iwaizumi shivered as he peered past Oikawa to notice what the setter was looking at, but saw nothing of importance. 

“You good there, Assikawa?”

“Iwa-chan, look, there’s a cat!”

“Where?”

Oikawa let go of his arm and took a few steps, kneeling in front of a dark cardboard box. He cautiously reached a hand out, and Iwaizumi looked over his head to see a cat huddled into a corner of the box, its damp fur the color of asphalt. 

“Iwa-chan, we have to take it home! It’ll just get sick here in this rain and we can’t let that happen.”

“Wait, what? We can’t take it home, Oikawa… The poor guy could have rabies or something.” 

“Iwa-chan, it could _die_ out here. You may be that heartless, but I’m not.” And with that, Oikawa took off his turquoise jacket and tucked the cat into it, then began to gently lift the box in his arms. He looked around to see if anyone was watching them, when Iwaizumi pulled out his phone.

“Wait, Oikawa.” He pulled on Oikawa’s thin shirt so that he’d stand still for a moment. He took off his jacket to give to him, and the setter timidly set the box on the ground to put it on. “Let’s take it to an animal store or a veterinarian clinic.” Oikawa nodded, and after a few clicks, he conveniently found a clinic only a mile away. They broke into a run, not wanting to spare another minute of the cat’s life, and after ten minutes, they were gasping for a few breaths in the lobby. A lady approached them and Oikawa quickly explained the situation, begging them to check the feline creature. 

It was then, as they sat in the clinic’s uncomfortable chairs, clothes soaked with rainwater, Oikawa leaning on Iwaizumi’s side “to take a quick power nap,” that he realized _why_ he liked Oikawa so much. Because he’d give up his only source of warmth for a cat that may or may not even be alive. Because he worked thrice as hard as everyone else for the things he cared for. Because he bothered Iwaizumi into making him dinner, buying him milkbread, inviting himself to his house as if he didn’t own one right next door. Because he loved his friends so fiercely and made sure they were all doing well before even thinking about himself. Because he always took naps on Iwaizumi, like he _knew_ that the spiker would fight off anyone who tried to hurt him. 

There were countless of small, meaningless things about Oikawa that Iwaizumi was wholly in love with. 

He wondered just when he had given up his heart for the brown-eyed boy asleep on him. 

* * *

_iv. i wonder, if i’m being real, do i speak my truth or do i filter how i feel?_

The fourth time Oikawa asked, they were seventeen years old. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were sitting in the club room, uniform jackets and shoes thrown aside during their lunch break, throwing a volleyball between one another while eating milkbread. They often did this when Matsukawa and Hanamaki couldn’t join them for lunch, as Oikawa’s fangirls loitered around them when the two weren’t there. 

Oikawa had long broken up with his one and only girlfriend. In the two months they had dated, almost nothing had changed between the two best friends, despite what Iwaizumi feared. The only new thing was that Iwaizumi would walk to school and back alone, music always blaring through his headphones because the silence felt unnatural without Oikawa. Besides that, they would still spend ungodly hours at the school’s gymnasium, hitting spikes and setting balls. They’d still sleepover and eat breakfast together, attempting to complete last-minute essays and math problems. Oikawa never told him why he broke up with her, and Iwaizumi never asked, only finding him with red eyes one morning and walking to school together. 

He sighed as he threw the volleyball towards a fallen chair, flopping down on the floor. “Iwa-chan, I have something to tell you.”

Iwaizumi didn’t bother to look up from his phone. “Yeah?”

“It’s important.”

“Continue?”

“Stop looking at your phone, Iwa-chan, and pay attention to me.”

Iwaizumi glared at him, but lowered his phone nonetheless. “What is it?”

Oikawa raised his hands towards the ceiling, as if he were about to set a ball. He sighed once more, sitting up and looking him directly in the eyes. “You know how-”

He was interrupted with a _bam_ as the door opened, revealing two young boys, one with a goofy smile on his face while the other letting out a low groan. 

“THERE YOU TWO ARE!” Hanamaki exclaimed, throwing himself and his school bag to the floor. 

Oikawa frowned. “And to what do we owe this surprise visit, Makki? Mattsun?”

Matsukawa let out another groan as he settled beside Hanamaki on the floor, who shouted with a smile, “KUNIMI WAS DARED TO KISS KINDAICHI!”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened as Oikawa broke into a fit of giggles. “ _What?_ ”

“We recorded it then ran as quickly as we could to here. Kyoutani dared him to, and Oikawa, you should have _seen_ how red Kindaichi became. It was _a sight to see.”_

“MAKKI, MATTSUN, WHY DIDN’T YOU IDIOTS CALL US BEFORE? I WOULD’VE GIVEN UP IWA-CHAN JUST TO SEE THAT!”

 _“What-_ SHUT UP, ASSIKAWA!”

“Be grateful we recorded it, your majesty,” Hanamaki said, throwing Oikawa his phone. Iwaizumi, now unparalyzed from shock, leaned over his shoulder to watch the video. 

The footage was grainy and shaky due to Hanamaki’s constant laughter, but it was still clear who was speaking and who was in the frames. 

The lens first focused on Kyoutani leaning over the first years’ lunch table, saying, _“Kunimi, I dare you to kiss Kindaichi.”_

Kunimi’s face turned from disinterested to pure hatred in a flash. _“No way. I didn’t sign up for this game.”_

Hanamaki spoke out, teasing, _“Kunimi, do it, or we’re making you first years clean the locker room for the rest of the week.”_

Even Kindaichi whimpered at that. And so Kunimi, with the self-respect of a rock, stood up and walked to the other side of the table, where he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Kindaichi’s cheek.

 _Everyone_ burst into loud cheers, all while Kindaichi turned redder than a tomato. In the video, Matsukawa’s groan erupted yet again. 

Oikawa fell into another round of laughter, while Iwaizumi let out a chuckle, handing Hanamaki his phone back. Kunimi and Kindaichi, huh?

“Mattsun, Mattsun, Mattsun, you know what this means?” Oikawa let out a hand in Matsukawa’s direction, as if wanting to grab something. “Hand over my money.”

Matsukawa sighed before reaching in his backpack to grab his wallet. He pulled out 2,000 yen and dutifully dropped them in Oikawa’s hand, whose grin widened and challenged the likes of the Cheshire Cat. 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “You two bet over when Kunimi would kiss Kindaichi?”

Hanamaki shook his head. “They bet over who would end up having to make the first move, and in Oikawa’s favor, it was Kunimi.”

Iwaizumi turned to look at Matsukawa. “Why on _Earth_ would you choose Kindaichi? You’ve met him, right?”

“That’s what I said, Iwa-chan!”

“It’s scary how you two say similar things,” Matsukawa said, scowling at Oikawa when he waved the money in front of his face. 

Before either of them could reply to the comment, they heard the bell ring, and all four let out complaints and insults. Hanamaki and Matsukawa grabbed their fallen bags and waved goodbye, while Iwaizumi scrambled to pull on his jacket and sneakers. 

“Oi’, Shittykawa, hurry up or we’re gonna’ be late!” 

Oikawa let his back hit the floor with a thud _._ “Iwa-chan?”

“Jerk, get up. Say it while getting ready.”

He turned to look at him, an innocent smile on his face. “Let’s go on an adventure.”

Iwaizumi stopped tying his sneakers to look down at the brown-haired boy. “We have school, dumbass.” 

“Yeah, but we can take a break for one day, can’t we?” 

“They’re gonna’ call our parents, stupid. Get up.”

“It’s _one_ day, Iwa-chan! We can tell them that I felt sick, or you felt sick, or that Makki fell down a stairwell. Or Mattsun. Or Ken-chan - whoever!” Oikawa paused, and they heard the school bell ring once more. “See, we’re already late? Let’s just not go, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi sighed, dropping his head back to look at the ceiling. “If I say yes, what are we gonna’ be doing?”

“It’s a surprise, Iwa-chan! Come on, one day. Please?”

He hesitated, but when he saw Oikawa’s bright eyes, he conceded. 

_“This_ is your excellent idea? The beach?” 

Oikawa clapped his hands with delight. “Isn’t it a great day to go to the beach, Iwa-chan?”

After locking up the club room, Oikawa had led them to a bus stop, where they rode for two hours before getting off for Miyagi Beach. The bus reeked of sweat and newspapers, and the smell clung to Iwaizumi like a blanket. He disliked it greatly. Thankfully, though, in those two hours, they managed to complete some homework for their previous classes, so Iwaizumi didn’t feel that bad for leaving early. 

The beach was surprisingly crowded for a Thursday afternoon, most likely due to the wonderful weather. It was warm enough that even in a light t-shirt, Iwaizumi broke out into a sweat. It reminded him of the first time he had come to the beach. Oikawa’s mother and his mother were childhood friends, so ever since birth, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were conjoined at the hip. On that particular day, Oikawa had wanted to make a UFO out of sand, and so he roped Iwaizumi into helping him. Their mothers had spent the entire evening scolding them, and had made them wash away all the sand, taking up almost an hour of their time. 

“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, let’s go swimming!”

“How about we don’t?”

“Oh, that’s right!” He smirked. “Iwa-chan’s such a neanderthal that he doesn’t know how to swim! No worries, Iwa-chan, I’ll teach you,” Oikawa said with a wide grin, eyes beaming towards him. 

“YOU WANNA’ FIGHT, ASSIKAWA? I’LL BEAT YOU UP - SHUT UP!” 

“Iwa-chan, come _on._ ” Oikawa grabbed his wrist and pulled him near the water, and when he let go, Iwaizumi’s wrist burned as if he was grabbed by a hand made out of lava. Subsequent to his awful realization of the feelings he harbored in his chest, Iwaizumi couldn’t stop thinking about whatever fleeting touches Oikawa gave. A pat on the back after a good spike, a hand on the wrist when going to the locker room, fingers brushing his ankle as Oikawa leaned down to tie Iwaizumi’s shoes - it all caused his head to spin violently. Most of the time, he was able to keep his composure, but these touches were beginning to become the bane of his existence. 

“Iwa-chan, you need to _touch_ the water in order to swim, you know.”

Iwaizumi shook his head, lifting his head to stare at the water. It glowed a beautiful sea green, a shade similar to a gemstone’s. A group of teenagers were surfing out on the farside of the beach, and he could hear the squeals of tiny children playing tag. “I’ll just… sit here. Away from the water. Where people can die.”

Oikawa pouted. “Iwa-chan, that’s no fun.”

“Neither is dying, Shittykawa.” 

“No one ever dies from swimming! Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

“Oh great. Your word is so comforting.”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa gestured to the shoreline. “At the very least put your feet in the water.”

That sounded slightly better than swimming, so Iwaizumi shrugged and dropped down, letting his feet feel the chilly water. Oikawa deemed this act acceptable and began to swim towards the waves, hair instantly getting messy and wet. 

Iwaizumi took this momentary lapse of silence to think about Oikawa, gently picking up some sand and letting it fall down. He had long accepted that he liked the setter, but decided against doing something about it. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship, especially when the setter was already comfortable with what they had right now. Oikawa was always reaching for the unattainable, and in Iwaizumi’s eyes, Oikawa was the unreachable one, someone so close to his heart yet not close at all. Iwaizumi had to learn how to be content with the place he was already given. Fortunately, being second was something he was used to. He’d deal with it. 

He leaned back, laying down on the sand. Closing his eyes, he listened as the waves crashed against the shore, the laughter of children, the caws of seagulls flying above him. 

If he had to think about it, it was kind of inevitable, falling for Oikawa. He had that magnetic effect on people, the one that made others want to befriend him and bask in his presence. They wanted to laugh with him, and sure, even laugh at him. The feelings in his chest only tightened as he continued to linger on these thoughts. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know how long he had laid there in the sun, eyes closed, trying to capture some of the heat when he felt something wet hit his chest. He opened his eyes to find Oikawa leaning over him, wringing his hair and letting the droplets fall on Iwaizumi’s shirt. 

“Iwa-chan, let’s go collect some seashells!”

Iwaizumi straightened himself, then punched Oikawa in the shins. “Dumbass, I was actually having a good time until you came.”

“Oh, please. I know Iwa-chan would be lost without me, given his poor sense of direction.”

“I will kill you.”

“SEASHELLS, IWA-CHAN, SEASHELLS!” Oikawa held out a hand, and after a few seconds of contemplation, Iwaizumi grabbed it, pulling himself up. It felt warm, and when Oikawa squeezed it while grinning, well, no one but him had to know that Iwaizumi smiled back. And so hand in hand, they walked the coast of the beach, kicking the soft sand with their feet to search for any seashells. The air was beginning to get cooler as the sun began to set, casting an amber glow onto the ocean water. The smell of barbeque from a families’ picnic filled his lungs, causing his stomach to grumble. 

At one point, Oikawa leaned down to grab a handful of sand, and with the advantage of his height, dumped them unceremoniously onto Iwaizumi’s hair. 

“You bastard-” Iwaizumi began, but then he was interrupted by Oikawa’s unnecessarily loud yelp as he jumped onto his ace, dragging them both towards the ground. Iwaizumi’s head hit a sharp object, and he grumbled, “Oikawa, stop, wait, stop-” 

“What? Are you okay, Iwa-chan?” The setter paused, immediately pulling back to make sure Iwaizumi was alright. His eyes were wide with concern, and he twisted his fingers into the sand beneath him. 

Iwaizumi brought a hand to the back of his head, and he caught on to the object he hit. With a grunt, he tugged it out of the sand. 

It was a seashell. 

Instantly, the concern vanished into pure joy, and Oikawa reached out to grab the seashell. It was small, with alternating lines of light brown and white to adorn it. 

“Iwa-chan, look, look, it’s so pretty!” 

The glow of the sunset illuminated Oikawa’s skin, making him shine brighter than any star Iwaizumi had ever seen in the sky. Admittedly distracted, he murmured, “Yeah… pretty.” It was then that Iwaizumi noted the current position they were in. Oikawa was seated on top of his stomach, their faces merely inches apart, legs wrapped around his waist when he had pulled back from their prior fall. His eyes flickered to his pink lips, wanting so badly to press his own against them. 

_I could kiss him,_ he realized. He could, really. He could tell Oikawa that he liked him, and perhaps- perhaps-

He felt heat creep up to his cheeks and mentally, he chastised himself, closing his eyes. _You’re so stupid, Hajime. Thinking about kissing your best friend. Get a hold of yourself._ If he could, he would’ve covered his face with his hands, but since he was unable to, he turned his face to the left, staring at the water. 

He felt Oikawa shift on top of him. “Iwa-chan, think I can find some string for this at home and wear it as a necklace?”

He nodded, gulping, and not trusting his voice. He opened his eyes to see Oikawa staring back at him with a light smile. The setter leaned forward, bringing his face close to Iwaizumi’s. The latter’s heart began to race, his movements freezing. He felt his face turn red, and he didn’t dare breathe as Oikawa gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Pulling back, he shot a satisfied grin, and Iwaizumi felt he could breathe again.

“Let’s go home, Iwa-chan. We still have to get the homework from Makki and Mattsun.” 

(What the hell just happened?) 

* * *

_v. i wonder, if someday you’ll be by my side, and tell me that the world will end up alright?_

The fifth time Oikawa asked, they were eighteen years old. 

Iwaizumi was working on his chemistry essay when his phone rang, the caller ID named as _Tooru_ with numerous emojis following (something the setter had added in himself). Annoyance rushed through his veins, and he was half-tempted to ignore the call, but at the last ring, he picked it up, sighing. 

“What is it?” He leaned back in his chair, voice filled with blatant disinterest. 

_“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, help, please-”_ Oikawa’s voice, high-pitched and raspy as if he was crying, rang out, and Iwaizumi’s heart dropped to his stomach. 

“What the hell - Oikawa, what happened?” 

_“My- my leg, knee- I don’t know, Iwa-chan- school-”_ Oikawa spoke in broken fragments, his muffled sobs seeping into his urgent pleas. 

He jumped up, his pencil and textbook falling to the ground as he rushed down the stairs. He ignored his mother’s concerned voice as he shoved his shoes on and ran outside the door. “Tooru, the hell, just stay put, okay? Don’t move-”

_“It hurts.”_

“I’m coming, I’m coming, just call 911, _now.”_

_“I can’t move.”_

Aoba Johsai was usually a fifteen minute walk, but he raced to get there in under ten, heart beating rapidly. His mind could only think about their prior fight, and the weight of guilt only growing with each step he ran.

_Iwaizumi glanced at his watch, leaning against the gymnasium doors with his school bag hanging carelessly off his shoulder then back up at the boy in the middle of the large room. Oikawa remained in his sweaty volleyball uniform, preparing to serve once more. He twisted the ball in his hands, then threw it up in the air, bending his legs as he jumped forward to spike it with a whoosh across the net. It hit the wall with a bang. He repeated the motions twice more, before Iwaizumi spoke, “Oi’, Shittykawa, that’s enough. Let’s go home.”_

_Oikawa didn’t reply, merely jumping up again and slamming the ball with more force than the last few times as if to drown out his voice._

_“Oikawa,” he drawled. “It’s time to go. Practice ended an hour ago.”_

_Three more serves were hit with silence._

_Iwaizumi dropped his bag to the floor and picked up a stray ball, aiming it directly for his best friend’s face and threw it. It missed him by a few centimeters, but the failed attack didn’t do anything to faze Oikawa._

_“Oikawa-”_

_“Go away, Iwa-chan. Can’t you see I’m practicing?”_

_“Dumbass, I’m not blind. You’ve been staying late every single night this week. Taking a break won’t kill you.”_

_Oikawa inhaled sharply. “You don’t know that. Tobio-chan and Ushiwaka-chan are probably practicing their nights away, and if we want to get to nationals, I have to work a lot harder.”_

_“The entire team needs to work harder, you mean, and we are. We have been. So let’s go home.”_

_Oikawa shot two more serves. Both landed outside the box. “I need to work harder. My aim has been off.”_

_Iwaizumi sighed. “Oikawa-”_

_“You know what, Iwa-chan? You’re not my mother, so stop pestering me. I’ll come once I’ve finished.”_

_Iwaizumi’s eyes hardened. If that’s what the bastard wanted- “Fine then. See ya’.” And with that, he turned around, grabbing his fallen schoolbag, and left, making sure to slam the doors a little harder than necessary._

As he turned around the corner and spotted the poorly lit gym, he felt _sick._ He had left Oikawa alone, who was now lying injured and in pain. _If only he had pushed him harder to leave- If only he had kept his mouth shut and stayed- If only Oikawa knew his own limits and actually stopped before he reached them- If only-_

Swinging the door open, Iwaizumi saw Oikawa laying against the bleachers, one hand barely holding a phone while the other holding his knee. His sniffles were loud, and the gymnasium reeked of sweat. He immediately fell down on Oikawa’s side, trying to understand where to place his hands in order to stop the pain.

“Tooru, what _happened?”_ He whispered, his eyes largening at Oikawa’s knee. It was almost a dark purple color, and had swelled-up quite a lot. Oikawa just looked at him, biting on his lower lip, and Iwaizumi knew he did that so as to not make any noise. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and immediately swiped to call an ambulance.

They picked up on the first ring. “ _Hello, what’s your emergency?_ ”

“I need an ambulance at Aoba Johsai- _now. It’s a school. Hurry.”_ He listed off the address and quick details about the injury, then muted the call. He looked down at Oikawa, whose head now lay in his lap, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. “Oikawa, wait. Let me go get some ice.” Oikawa fisted his hand in Iwaizumi’s shirt, and Iwaizumi gently pulled his fingers back. Standing up, he pushed aside a few stray volleyballs, then made his way to the locker room, praying the refrigerator had some ice packs. It did, and he grabbed a water bottle as well, trying to recall what else he knew about first aid. 

When he got back, he held up an ice pack against the swollen knee using one hand, the other hand running through damp Oikawa’s hair in an effort to calm him down.

“Where are your parents,” he mumbled, remembering his mother’s concerned look as he ran out of the house.

A hiccup. “En- England, I think. Maybe France. ‘Business reasons’, Okaasan had said.” He paused, and motioned towards the water bottle, and Iwaizumi helped him take a few sips. He knew that Oikawa’s sister and Takeru were in Tokyo, so he didn’t bother to ask about them.

In the distance, he heard the shrieking sirens of an ambulance, and silently, he knew that he had never felt more relieved to hear them.

“Hajime?” Oikawa whispered, sniffling once more.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for coming.”

"Don't worry - everything will be alright, okay? I'm here."

It was two days later that Iwaizumi had found himself sitting on Oikawa’s bedroom floor, flipping through an old volleyball magazine. Both boys were off of school due to it being a holiday, and while they normally would have spent the day practicing volleyball, Oikawa was on doctor’s orders to avoid physical activity for the next six weeks, so Iwaizumi had joined him in being bored and sent the first and second years to rest up. The setter had dislocated his knee, but thankfully it wasn’t serious enough that he needed surgery. He could still continue to play volleyball, on the condition that he didn’t touch a ball until he was completely healed, and that was the only thing keeping him from not running to the gymnasium to practice his sets.

“Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah? You need water?” After the incident, Iwaizumi swore to himself that he’d make sure it never happened again.

Oikawa laughed as he lay on his bed, arms tucked underneath his head. “No, no. I just wanted to say that I’m bored.”

“Then go to sleep.”

“It’s seven in the evening.”

“Sleep.”

“I have an-”

Any feeling of anxiety was immediately replaced with annoyance, and Iwaizumi jumped up. “Nope,” he said, throwing the magazine onto the bed. “I’m going to get some fruits to eat. You can rethink that sentence in the meantime.” He let himself out of the room, Oikawa’s loud groan fading as he made his way to the kitchen. Oikawa’s mother stood by the stove, stirring a pot with one hand and writing some notes onto a notebook with the other. He sent her a smile when she looked up at him, then grabbed a bowl of green grapes from the fridge, and went back up to Oikawa’s room.

Upon hearing about his injury, Oikawa’s mother had come back to Japan for a week, his father unable to due to several meetings. As much as Oikawa claimed to not care about whether or not his mother was home, Iwaizumi knew that he enjoyed the constant mothering, finally being able to smile at his house that finally had someone other than Iwaizumi (and sometimes Hanamaki and Matsukawa) in it. Oikawa didn’t _mind_ being alone, but he did feel lonely in the house all by himself.

“Let’s go on an adventure,” Oikawa said quickly as soon as Iwaizumi stepped in, who threw a nasty glare at the setter.

“No way, Lazykawa. I doubt your broken body could handle whatever stupid plan you came up with.” He sat down on the floor again, throwing a sweet grape in his mouth. 

He _hmphed._ “So mean, Iwa-chan. My body isn’t _broken._ It’s just going on a well-deserved break for all of it’s hard work towards making this planet a better place to live.”

Iwaizumi turned to look at him. “Oh, really? Then why didn’t you take a break when-”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU, IWA-CHAN! I’M TOO BUSY PLANNING OUR ADVENTURE.” He cheered loudly, smiling at Iwaizumi’s frown. 

“Do you ever hear the words your shitty mouth says?”

“Of course, Iwa-chan! Now anyway. Adventure time.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Iwa-chan,” he whined. “Don’t be rude.”

“I don’t care.”

“Please?” He asked, eyes reflecting the bright sunlight. 

Iwaizumi hated that sweet word so much that he was ready to sit down right then and there, and research _“how to remove a word from the Japanese language.”_

“You sure you don’t want to stay here and watch a movie?” He tried to reason, twisting a fallen pencil in his fingers.

“I’m sure, Iwa-chan!”

“Oh, or watch some volleyball tapes? We haven’t watched Shiratorizowa’s match against Fukurodani yet.”

He shook his head. “I’ll watch that tonight, Iwa-chan. Adventure time now.”

“Board games?” 

Oikawa sat up, and swung his legs towards the edge of the bed, before he slowly lowered himself to Iwaizumi’s side. He was warm, far too warm for the autumn breeze that came through the open window. “I want to go on an adventure.” 

Iwaizumi grabbed a green alien pillow off of Oikawa’s bed, shoved his face into it, and let out a muffled scream.

...Which is how the two volleyball players found themselves on the playground of Kitagawa Daiichi, Oikawa sitting on the ground while Iwaizumi had climbed up the monkey bars and sat on top of them. The sun had begun to set, but the air around them was still warm, similar to the warmth of a blanket. They were silent, save for the occasional chirps from a bird and the rustling of leaves. 

The last time he had been in this playground was on his graduation from junior high. Iwaizumi and Oikawa had stood on top of the swings, and shouted, _“We will be the best volleyball players in the world - together!”_ It was definitely not the greatest promise to the universe, but at the time, they had wanted nothing more.

Now here he was, almost three years later, and internally, he knew his promise had changed. His heart belonged to volleyball, but after witnessing Oikawa’s injury, Iwaizumi had begun to research other sports-related injuries. He knew that soon, he’d need to start applying for college, and while he had never been particularly attracted to any profession, the field of sports medicine caught his eye. He could become a doctor, and help other athletes, in a way that he couldn’t help Oikawa now.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi began, swinging his legs. “Have you thought about college yet?”

He gave a slight chuckle. “Not really? I’ve gotten two offers already, but I want to keep my chances open.”

“You mean you want to see where I’ll go,” he replied, his tone somewhere between stern and fond.

“Iwa-chan, don’t say it like it’s a bad thing! We’ve always been together. I don’t see why that can’t continue on through university.”

Ignoring how the words made his heart skip a beat, he retorted, “You can’t see anything with your shitty eyesight, dumbass.”

Oikawa gasped, hands flinging to his face to grab his glasses. He only ever wore them around Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan, you’re awful. Insulting a disabled person. Since when did you stoop so low?” He paused to smirk up at him. “Oh, wait. You were always so low to begin with, given your brutish height.”

“OIKAWA, YOU DIPSHIT, SHUT UP!”

“You brought this on yourself, Iwa-chan,” he said in a sing-song voice. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything, and they gazed at the scene above them, the sky a beautiful gradient from deep purple to pastel orange. The colors projected a hazy glow on Oikawa’s skin, illuminating his soft features. He looked _good,_ Iwaizumi realized with a pang in his stomach.

He jumped off of the monkey bars, landing on his feet and crouched down next to Oikawa, shoulders brushing through their thin sweaters, leaning back against the bars of the ladder. Oikawa looked surprised at the sudden motion, eyes turning away from the sky to meet Iwaizumi’s. 

“I don’t think I’m going to aim to play professionally, Oikawa,” he whispered.

Oikawa froze, eyes widening. He swallowed, and after a few seconds, he let out a small breath. “Why not?”

Iwaizumi tried to go for the same gentle tone. “I don’t know. It just kind of… came to me. I love volleyball, you know that, and I won’t ever leave it, but I don’t want to put my all in a sport that I don’t have any success guaranteed in.”

Oikawa’s hazel eyes began to tear up, and Iwaizumi shot him a small smile in hopes that he wouldn’t cry. He’d always been a cry baby, sobbing at the smallest of things that upset him.

Some things really do never change, huh?

“But- But we’ve always played _together,_ Iwa-chan. We’re the unstoppable duo.”

But then again, other things end up changing.

“We’re growing up, Oikawa,” he murmured, and throwing all of his common sense out the window, he took Oikawa’s hand in his, and locked their fingers together. He lowered his eyes to stare at their intertwined palms instead of Oikawa’s teary-eyed face. “Everything’s going to change. Us too, you know. And I don’t know how much longer you’re going to stay by my side.” He felt Oikawa begin to shake, but he didn’t move his eyes.

“Do- do you really think we’re going to change, Iwa-chan?”

He shrugged, knowing how insensitive the action was, but it was the truest answer he could give. He honestly didn’t know.

It was the only reason why he had decided not to share his intense feelings for the setter. He didn’t want things to change when Oikawa would reject him. Despite knowing how selfish it was, he wanted to keep Oikawa with him using whatever method he could. He wanted to keep the fleeting touches, the long nights watching volleyball tapes, the days doing homework right before they had to turn them in, the dinners they spent without their parents, stealing from the other’s plate as if they didn’t have the same thing on their own. He wanted it all _for forever._

Belatedly, he changed his mind. He just wanted Oikawa to be happy, whether it was with him or without. All Iwaizumi needed to see was a genuine smile on his face, and he’d be alright, because that would be enough. 

Oikawa dropped his head to Iwaizumi’s shoulder, chest heaving from his wrecked sobs. Iwaizumi didn’t move, didn’t do anything to comfort the boy. In all honesty, he felt like crying himself, but he had to hold it in, if not for his sake then for Oikawa’s.

“Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah?”

“I think-” he paused, taking a deep breath, but he didn’t move his head. “I think we’re going to be alright.”

(Oh.)

Iwaizumi simply brought Oikawa’s hand up to his lips and pressed a light kiss to the soft skin. 

* * *

_vi. i wonder what it’s like to be loved by you…_

The first time Iwaizumi asked, they were nineteen years old. 

Iwaizumi laid on the floor of his bedroom, staring up at his painted ceiling. When they were younger, Oikawa had insisted that they paint various constellations, so above him were Sirius, Orion, Scorpius, Perseus, and numerous more that he had forgotten the names to by now. He smiled at the thought, remembering his mother’s worried look as they had climbed up ladders far too high for them, afraid they’d fall for being so clumsy. Now, so many years later, he was leaving the place which held so many dear memories for him. 

After gruesome final exams and multiple applications to different places, the University of Tokyo had accepted him as a pre-medical student on a volleyball scholarship. When he first heard the news, Oikawa had been more ecstatic than him, jumping up and down at the prospect of continuing to play volleyball together. The idea had definitely made him smile, but that had changed in the week after graduation, as Oikawa had gotten a call, inviting him to become a professional setter for a volleyball team in Argentina. 

That had been his dream all along, Iwaizumi noted, as he continued to look at the stars above him. Oikawa had always wanted to become an official player for Argentina, and now his dream was finally becoming a reality. Iwaizumi wasn’t one to tie anyone down, so he made sure the younger boy accepted right away. 

In a week Iwaizumi would leave for Tokyo. Two days later, Oikawa would fly to Argentina. 

After nineteen years of knowing one another, they were going to be eleven thousand miles apart. 

Knowing this caused a sickening feeling to grow in his stomach. 

He broke away from his introspection as he felt something soft glide underneath his palm. He looked down to see a feline creature nuzzling into his hand. Ichiko purred as Iwaizumi gently rubbed her head, her grey fur freckled with white and black paws. He sat up straight, and moved backwards so his back leaned against the edge of his bed. She jumped into his lap, curling herself to most likely fall asleep. 

Iwaizumi had never imagined getting a cat, yet when Oikawa had found her in a cardboard box on a rainy day, the boy had demanded to keep her. Iwaizumi had thrown away the idea, for it’d be irresponsible of Oikawa to want a cat when all he did was spend time at practice. Oikawa had suggested that Iwaizumi keep her then, and with some pleading with his mother, he had been able to bring her home. 

Owning a cat wasn’t what Iwaizumi had expected to love so much. Ichiko was so very playful around his mother and Oikawa, yet the second Iwaizumi neared her, she always fell asleep, clinging onto him. In the morning, it’d become a second routine for him to see her on his bed, huddled into the crook of his arms instead of on the makeshift bed he created for her in the corner of his room. 

Ichiko jumped off of him as Iwaizumi’s phone rang at an absurd volume, and grumbled as he shifted over to grab it. 

“Hello?”

 _“We need your help,”_ Hanamaki breathed out, and Iwaizumi assumed that “we” meant him and Matsukawa. 

“If you two are in jail right now, do not expect me to leave the comfort of my home to bail you out. Go call Shittykawa instead.” 

_“It’s not that kind of help - and Oikawa’s right, you’re an awful friend. Why wouldn’t you bail us out?”_

_“Don’t let our precious captain hear you say that. We’d never hear the end of it then,”_ a muffled voice said, and he was positive that it was Matsukawa’s. 

“Regardless of whatever Shittykawa says, what do you two need?” 

_“We’ve been ringing the doorbell for the past five minutes, so do you think you could come open the door for us? Are you deaf that you couldn’t hear?”_ Hanamaki teased, and Iwaizumi frowned. How did he not hear it? Nevertheless, he ended the call and took the stairs by two, not wanting his friends to stay in the rain any longer than they already had. As he opened the door, the two quickly shoved off their raincoats, flicking some droplets onto Iwaizumi, who scowled. They headed towards the living room, Iwaizumi grabbing a pillow to hug as he fell down on a sofa. 

“Alright, let’s get down to business,” Matsukawa began, popping open a can of soda that he had gotten from the fridge. He and Hanamaki had been to Iwaizumi’s house enough times that he didn’t need to treat them like guests; they knew their way around. “Iwaizumi, we have a very important question for you, and if you don’t answer honestly, we will be forced to behead you.” 

Iwaizumi kicked his feet up on the coffee table, crossing his arms as he leaned back. He tried to fight off a grin. “What is this, the 1600’s? Get on with it, Matsukawa, or I’ll behead you first.” 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa shared a look - one that did not escape Iwaizumi’s eyes - and the former turned to look at the spiker with a smile. “Do you like Oikawa?” 

_Oh shit._ Iwaizumi stared at them. A couple blinks later, he scoffed, “Have you two finally lost the one shared brain cell you own?”

Hanamaki ignored this statement because his slight moment of hesitation had given it all away. “He likes him,” he stated, turning to look at Matsukawa, whose grin widened. 

“I DO NOT!”

Matsukawa nodded solemnly. “Definitely. Look at how he’s blushing.” 

“I- I’M NOT BLUSHING! DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU?” Nonetheless, he raised a hand to his face, attempting cover up the blush that was most certainly _not_ there. 

“Just mentioning our dear captain has our ace red from head to toe,” Hanamaki continued, his smile growing wider by the second. 

“I’M NOT EVEN YOUR ACE ANYMORE, AND HE’S NOT YOUR CAPTAIN!” Iwaizumi huffed, pulling a stray pillow to hide his face behind. “Don’t you guys have any better things to be concerned about?”

“More than you and Oikawa’s relationship? Of course not, _Hajime.”_

“You two are _adorable_ together. We’re doing this for your own good,” Matsukawa explained, and Iwaizumi could hear both of them struggling to contain their laughter. 

“Shut the hell up. You guys think you’re funny, don’t you?” He threw the pillow at Hanamaki, who ducked to evade it. “I will kick your asses to hell.” 

“I know we’ve joked around about this before, but we really think you should do something,” Hanamaki spoke as if he was explaining something to a child. “It wouldn’t be fair to either of you if you don’t man up for once.”

“Makki,” he began, slipping into his friend’s nickname. “It’s not like that.” He didn’t even know what _that_ he was referring to. 

“We’re not stupid, you know. We’ve seen the looks you gave Oikawa throughout class. And during practices. And in the locker room,” Hanamaki said, narrowing his eyes. “Since first year.” 

“And that’s just when we started noticing,” Matsukawa supplied, taking another sip of his soda. 

Iwaizumi sucked in a breath. Had he really been that obvious? It’s not as if he was staring all the time now… was he? He looked at Hanamaki and Matsukawa, sighing as he decided to give in. Apparently his feelings weren’t so much of a secret as he thought they were. A thought formed in his head, and he felt like throwing up. “If you two noticed them, then of course Oikawa must have.” He looked down at his hands, feeling awfully bitter. “And since he hasn’t said anything about them… I guess it means he doesn’t care, right?”

Maybe it was what he said, or perhaps the resigned tone he spoke in, but the silly grins the two boys wore were instantly wiped off. 

Hanamaki leaned towards Iwaizumi. “Do you really believe that?” 

He shrugged in response, a dejected feeling in his stomach. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I was never going to confess. It’d be pretty idiotic of me to now.” 

“Iwaizumi, you guys are leaving each other _in a week._ You should have told him years ago.”

“Too late for that, I guess.” 

“It’s never too late, stupid,” Matsukawa commented. “Wouldn’t it be nice to finally get it off your chest and move on?”

“I’ve been trying to move on for the past three years. It doesn’t work, trust me.” 

Hanamaki took a deep breath. “Whatever it is, you should tell him. Better now than never.”

His heart caught on those words: _“_ _better now than never.”_ He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, wanting so badly to disappear from the planet. “He doesn’t feel the same way.” 

“Are you really sure about that?” Matsukawa asked. 

“I guess so.” 

He heard Hanamaki sigh. “You’re wrong, Iwaizumi. It’s pathetic how in all the hours you’ve spent staring at Oikawa, you’ve never seen how much he looks at you.” 

Wait. What? 

Iwaizumi slowly opened his eyes, trying to process what was just said. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so he closed it. A minute of silence had passed, heavy on his shoulders, when the front door unlocked. 

“Hajime, I’m home! Oh, Takahiro-kun, Issei-kun, I didn’t know you two were over!” Iwaizumi’s mom said with a sweet smile, placing a bag on the kitchen counter before pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads. “Hajime, did you even offer them food? Both of you stay here, I’ll go make something. And Hajime, put your feet down from that table before I hit you with a pot.”

Iwaizumi was far too lost in his thoughts to reply. 

Iwaizumi threw a volleyball in the air, before catching it with the tips of his fingers. 

_Stupid Hanamaki. Stupid Matsukawa._

It was all those assholes’ faults that he couldn’t sleep, despite it being two in the morning. He had tried to, of course, but failed miserably. The two boys had left after dinner, not broaching the topic of Oikawa since his mother was home, and he feigned sickness, going to bed at eight in the evening. However, the five hours of sleep he did receive were anything but peaceful, and he felt even more tired than before. 

He began to think about what would happen if Oikawa, by some miracle or ounce of sheer luck, did like him back. In all honesty, he had never thought about it before, his mind shunning the ideas before they could even begin to form, lest he fell deeper in his unrequited love. But now, Hanamaki’s words pushed him to consider it. What would even change between them? Probably nothing, if he were to be truthful. They did pretty much everything together already. Except that then, there’d probably be more holding hands, kissing, all those pathetic romantic movie actions that he desperately wanted to do. 

Oh, but wait.

Oikawa was leaving for a place half-way across the world, somewhere Iwaizumi wouldn’t be. What would happen then? Neither of them mentioned what would happen when they parted, always jumping over the topic in conversations as if trying to delay the inevitable. If they started something now, if something could actually happen… would it last when they had an entire ocean to divide them? 

_“Better now than never,”_ Hanamaki had said, and Iwaizumi wondered if it were true. He hummed, dropping the volleyball and letting it gently roll away. He turned to his side, staring at the blank wall.

In a way, it was. He could get it over with, being able to finally share the one secret he had harbored from Oikawa. He’d have his answer, and never have to worry about it again. 

_“It’s pathetic how in all the hours you’ve spent staring at Oikawa, you’ve never seen how much he looks at you.”_

Maybe their story could have a happy ending?

He scowled. Since had he become so damn _cheesy?_ A small idea formed in his mind, and on impulse, he reached for his phone, setting an alarm to wake him up in three hours. 

At around five in the morning, Iwaizumi unlocked his window, and fumbled his way across the lone tree that stood between his house and Oikawa’s. He entered the setter’s room, his window never closed at night due to him feeling too warm. He paused on the window sill for a moment, looking at Oikawa. His face was illuminated by the sunlight, looking serene as he slept. He let his feet fall to the floor and stepped over the scattered clothes and textbooks, making his way to the setter’s bed. 

“Hey, Lazykawa, get up,” he whispered, remembering that his mother was over for the weekend. He shook his shoulder, only getting a groan in response. “Oikawa, wake up.”

Oikawa’s eyes fluttered open, and he yawned before his sleepy eyes focused on Iwaizumi’s face. “Iwa-chan, why are you here,” he mumbled, lifting a hand to rub his eyes. 

“Dumbass, when’d you sleep?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He yawned once more, waving his hand. “What’s up?”

Iwaizumi knelt down, letting his fingers trail the soft blanket. His eyes caught on the seashell necklace around Oikawa’s neck, and a smile fought its way onto his face. He mustered up some fake courage. “Let’s go on an adventure.” 

A tick of a clock, and Oikawa tilted his head to look at him, then outside his window. “What are you talking about, Iwa-chan?”

He felt his cheeks burn, but he ignored them as he replied, “Just- get ready. Come on, I have a plan.” 

He heard Oikawa laugh before sending a sly smirk. “That sounds scary, Iwa-chan. Are you going to murder me or something?” 

“I will if you don’t get your ass out of bed and change.” 

Oikawa hesitated before letting out a smile, getting up to brush his teeth and to dress in shorts and a t-shirt. He pocketed his phone, and they climbed out the window, Iwaizumi checking the time on his watch to make sure they weren’t too late. With a step ahead of the brown-haired boy, he began walking towards the end of the street before taking a left, knowing it led to an easy hiking trail. 

“Iwa-chan, where are we going? Unlike you, I do need my beauty sleep, and you’re disrupting it.” 

“You don’t need any beauty sleep - you’re good enough without it,” he mumbled, turning away from Oikawa’s stunned face. 

“Was- Was that a _compliment,_ Iwa-chan? I’m dreaming, aren’t I? Please don’t ever wake me up, this is too good to be true.” 

He didn’t reply, but he did reach out to grasp Oikawa’s hand with his. The action caused the setter to become deathly quiet, and he sort of regretted doing so. He didn’t mind it _that much_ when Oikawa talked. But he didn’t let go, only holding on tighter as they walked up the trail, stepping on fallen leaves and broken sticks. If he had to admit it, it was rather difficult to walk through a trail at night, but the flashlight on his phone assisted in finding their way through. 

On top of the trail, he knew, was a park of some sort. There was a picnic area with benches and a roof, but also some swings for children to use. The two had been there only a couple of times, usually with their teammates or other friends, but right now, it was just them. Them, and perhaps a few lone squirrels. When they reached the top, they peered past the wooded edge, gasping at the sight before them. 

The sky had begun to lighten up to a deep blue, oranges and purples appearing as well. The colors danced beautifully, painting the sky to resemble a work of art one would see in a museum. In a way, it reminded Iwaizumi of the ocean, each of the colors causing a gradient to appear like the water does at the beach. 

He turned to glance at Oikawa, a beautiful smile playing on his lips. Their hands were still interlocked, and Oikawa’s skin was always so warm, yet his must have been even warmer at the moment. 

He shifted on his feet. “You like it?”

Oikawa nodded, unable to say anything in awe. He tilted his head towards him, breathing out, “Why have never come to see a sunrise before?”

That… was a good question. “Not sure,” he answered truthfully. 

Oikawa laughed for some reason, nothing but pure happiness in his voice. 

Iwaizumi ran his free hand through his hair, trying to ground his feet. A feeling of anticipation bounced up and down in his chest as he let out a sigh. He pulled his hand away from Oikawa’s, cracking his knuckles. _Better now than never._ “Tooru, I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?” Curiosity filled his voice. “Alright, what is it?”

“I-” He started before taking a breath, attempting to control his abnormally fast heart. “I just-” He tried to start once more, but then paused when he remembered what he had said before. _‘If you two noticed them, then of course Oikawa must have.’_ He looked at Oikawa, a pit growing in his stomach. ‘ _And since he hasn’t said anything about them… I guess it means he doesn’t care, right?’_

This was such a stupid idea. 

“What? Has your caveman brain finally _caved in_ and given up on you, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa grinned widely at his tragic pun, and Iwaizumi didn’t even have it in him to retort back with an insult. 

“N- Never mind. Nothing.” He stared at the ground, shutting his eyes and wondering if it would be okay to ask the world to swallow him up. 

“Iwa-chaaaan,” Oikawa whined, shaking Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “Tell meeeee.” 

He raised his head to look into Oikawa’s eyes, which glistened in the sunlight. “It’s stupid.” 

“Everything out of your mouth is stupid, Iwa-chan, but that’s never stopped you, unfortunately.” 

“I like you.” There. He said it. 

Oikawa stared at him blankly, blinking a few times before letting out a confused smile. “I didn’t hear you, Iwa-chan. You have to speak louder, just a little bit.” 

This asshole. “I said I like you,” Iwaizumi repeated, somehow even quieter than before. 

“Iwa-chan, _louder_ not _softer -_ you do know the difference between the two, right?”

Iwaizumi was about to punch him in his pretty face. “I like you, Oikawa,” he tried to say them a bit louder, but the words got caught in the wind. 

Oikawa let out a puff of air, beginning to bounce on his toes. “Yep, I can’t hear you, Iwa-”

“I SAID I LIKE YOU, DUMBASS,” he yelled as loud as he could, any rush of heat and embarrassment replaced with annoyance. His heart continued to race. “Did you hear me then, huh?” Shame crept up from the shadows of the trees and washed over him. He looked at Oikawa, who stood there stunned, as if immobilized by his shout and the silence that followed after. His eyebrows were shot up, and his brown eyes widened as the wind tousled his hair.

Iwaizumi felt so invisible under the weight of Oikawa’s gaze, so unguarded and open. Yeah, he had gone and fucked everything up, didn’t he? 

He took a single step away from Oikawa, kicking at the grass beneath his feet. “I know you don’t like me back. I’ve had these feelings for some time now.” He inwardly scoffed at that. “I figured, since we’re leaving and all, it’d be a good enough time to tell you. You know, so if you hate me, you won’t have to see me for a long while.” 

He didn’t dare look at Oikawa at all in the two minutes of eerie silence that followed. The worst had passed, right? There’s no way he could possibly go downhill from here. 

“Iwa-chan,” he breathed out with a rasp, and when Iwaizumi lifted his gaze towards the setter, he felt a powerful punch on his shoulder, forcing him to stumble backwards. Pain seared throughout his right arm, but he knew that Oikawa was barely using his strength. 

“You’re right. I hate you,” Oikawa’s voice shook, and he grabbed Iwaizumi by the shoulders to rattle him back and forth. _“I hate you, Iwa-chan.”_ He received another punch on the other shoulder. This time, it didn’t even make him flinch, because there was no force behind the attack. 

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” Oikawa grabbed the hem of his shirt with one hand, tugging downwards on it. He used the other hand to finger his necklace. Iwaizumi watched, confused, as tears streamed down the setter’s face, cheeks and nose red. “You like me, and you couldn’t even get it through your _fucking_ head to tell me any sooner than today? You tell me right as you’re fucking leaving?” 

“Tooru,” he said breathlessly, mind disoriented. “What the hell?”

Oikawa sniffled, smiling bitterly through his tears. “I like you too, Iwa-chan. You’re so stupid, you never picked up on anything.” He let go of Iwaizumi, lifting both hands to wipe away his tears. “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, _I hate you._ I’ll never forgive you for as long as I live, and if you live longer than me, then I’ll hate you even then. I hate you.” He repeated the words as if they were a prayer, trying to force himself to believe them. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “You tell me everything, but you don’t tell me this. You always support me, but you never rely on me, even though I know you better than you know yourself. You try to leave volleyball, but look, the sport didn’t want you to leave - it brought you to your dream job on a scholarship! You didn’t have the fucking confidence to tell me you loved me until you can leave, until you can run away!” He closed his eyes, keeping his head down. “I HATE YOU,” he screamed, voice scratchy from his yelling.

The world around the two boys weren’t silent, though they were. The birds chirped as if they were waking up, the distance sound of cars honking could be heard, the fall of acorns clicked against the stone pathway. 

“I hate you too, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi exhaled, balling his fists. Oikawa looked up, his dark brown eyes widening as if he didn’t expect the words to be returned. “I hate you. You’re always working so hard that you hurt yourself, desperately wanting to be the best when you’re already at it. You have a knee brace to wear as proof of that. You’re always worrying me, even when I’m not around you. You never take no for an answer, you’re so stupidly stubborn. You never listen to anyone else, you never listen to _me,_ asshole. You live off of your impulses, when you know those will get you killed. You’re always _crying -_ damn you for being so emotional!” 

Oikawa refused to keep Iwaizumi’s gaze, but that was fine with him. Iwaizumi took a step forward, raising a hand to cup the setter’s cheek. He thumbed away a fallen tear. “You can say that you hate me, but we both know that isn’t the truth.” 

“Y- you can say that you hate me, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa began, sniffling, “but we both know you’re far too attached to me to actually feel like that.”

“Sure,” he agreed, and Oikawa leaned to rest his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. His brown eyes glowed like honey in the rising sun’s light, lips still quivering. “For what it’s worth, I love you, Shittykawa.” 

Oikawa sucked in a breath, then closed his eyes to let out a slight chuckle, which quickly evolved into nervous laughter, and Iwaizumi followed suit. They stood there, blissful happiness in their laughter. 

“Love you too, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa mumbled before locking their lips together. He tasted like sleep and the watermelon gum he had chewed and spit out earlier, and in between their hesitant kisses, Oikawa giggled. It brought a grin to Iwaizumi’s face. His heart beat so much faster than before, this time from adrenaline rather than anxious nerves, yet he didn’t care at all, because Oikawa was there, in his arms, and he felt he could conquer the entire world. 

“I’m happy, Oikawa,” he whispered against the setter’s lips before pulling back. 

He tried to brush away the remaining tear-stains on his cheeks. “Of course you are, Iwa-chan. I’m here,” he replied with a cheeky grin, and Iwaizumi laughed. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. Because yeah. 


End file.
